She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
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You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love you. Go after that dick
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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