This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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