I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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