the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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