Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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