I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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