I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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