I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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