It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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