How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Someone shit on the floor
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize