R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize