I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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