I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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