I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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