i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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