She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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