I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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