i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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