remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Don't make out with my wife yet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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