you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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