VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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