i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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