so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize