Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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