My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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