i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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