I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize