either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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