fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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