i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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