i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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