Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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