Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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