I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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