just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
please don't ironically join a cult
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