Where did you get a picture of my penis
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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