I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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