An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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