Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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