chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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