White coat. Heels.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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