Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize