There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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