no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize