With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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