dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize