it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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