I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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