i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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