i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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